Marriage and Love

(See my daughter, Pastor Julia Seymour's, blogpost, "Faith, Grace and Hope," http://lutheranjulia.blogspot.com/, July 20, 2011.)

Reverend Ron Hamman initiated a strong reaction with his column in the Mat-Su Valley (Alaska) Frontiersman, entitled, "Faith, what the Bible says about a modern controversy." His initial comments related to an Alaska case regarding a woman's accusations about marital rape, and then digressed into a commentary on divine judgment of America.

My daughter eloquently exegeted on the Scriptures cited by Rev. Hamman, so there is no need for me to repeat what she has said. I refer my readers to her blog (see link above).

My interest in commenting on the nature of sex within marriage is to take a deeper look at what that relationship can be in the best of circumstances. Christian teaching often fails to dig more deeply into its Hebraic roots, and so I like to go back to the Hebrew Scripture and study how something, in this case marital sex, is rendered linguistically.

The first time that marital sexual relations is mentioned in Torah is Genesis 4:1, and the verb used is the same verb that means "to know." It is typically rendered, "Adam knew his wife." Hence, there is the suggestion that sex is an intimate act, the result of a closeness where one so much understands and comprehends the other that the phrase, "the two become one," is realized in the fullest, almost metaphysical, sense of that phrase.

Isaac consummates his relationship with Rebekah by taking her into his mother's tent (Gen. 24:67), and he was comforted - the suggestion here that marital relations are tender and mutually enjoyable.

A subsequent word used in the contexts of Jacob with his wives Leah and Rachel; Jacob's son, Judah, and his wife; and Boaz with Ruth is translated as 'cohabit,' (Hebrew, boh). The word is a variation of the same verb meaning "enter in" or "come into," a more graphic depiction, yet also suggesting a mutual sharing.

What is perhaps most interesting in looking at these stories is that the idea of marital love is introduced very early in Genesis, with the stories of Isaac and Rebekah, and Jacob's love for Rachel. In fact, it is notable to realize that the writers of Genesis make a point of addressing the fact that Leah was "unloved," and that as a result, Jacob often abstained from performing his "marital duty."

Perhaps no other Hebrew Scripture text better depicts what marital relations is all about than the Song of Songs, a text that has so embarrassed various church leaders throughout the centuries with its graphic depictions of mutually enjoyed physical love that they have been compelled to declare it a description of the Deity's love for Israel, rather than own up to the reality that the Scriptures' writers and compilers believed that the inclusion of text that conveys the depth of emotional and physical attraction mutually shared by a man and a woman was an important part of building a community of faith.

I would say that it is a safe conclusion that G-d's intention for marital love is one of mutuality and respect, and that this thread of shared intentionality is found in the earliest of biblical texts. As it is not an easy thing to call law enforcement and accuse one's husband of rape, I would suspect that even in the absence of witnesses, there has been a profound violation of the mutual respect and compassion that should be the foundation of marital life.

Reverend Hamman does quote the Pauline injunction that husbands and wives should share their bodies, but there is a key verse lacking in his argument: a husband has an obligation to reverence and care for his wife as he would himself. Indeed, the husband is to love his wife as he would himself. Here, too, we can find historical texts to reinforce the responsibility that a husband has toward the care of his wife and acting with concern for her well-being - starting in the marital bed.

Once again, Hebrew Scripture offers additional food for thought. The Torah portion for July 23, Matot (Numbers 30:2 - 32:42), talks about vows. In biblical times, a man's word was inviolate. If he made a vow, he was required to keep it. In ancient Hebraic wedding ceremonies, the man made all the promises. He promised to care for, protect, and nurture the woman he took to wife. If Rev. Hamman would like to approach the Scripture literally, then this text is an excellent place to start. A Christian man who fully honored his vows to "love, honor, and cherish" would never be in a position to be accused of rape or domestic violence.

In fact, Rev. Hamman could easily have made a very different point in his column on faith - and that is the requirement that a man has to love his wife as he loves himself. This is a command that is threaded throughout the whole of the Hebrew Scripture and the New Testament writings, and every translation renders that command the same way.